Blog of R'kik D'nec

The mist is really beautiful. I was walking home tonight and there was a very light mist in the air. There was that wonderful smell of fresh rain, and everything seemed to glisten in the street lights. Mist has got to be one of my favorite weather conditions. It doesn't fall on you like rain or snow, instead you fall into it, as it hovers in mid-air. You don't get wet either, instead everything just gets covered in tiny droplets of water like condensation, with dry spots in between. It's one of life's little pleasures.

Current Mood: Satisfied
Currently listening to: Highway 61 Revisited by Bob Dylan
Last movie I saw: American Splendor
One line review: Very true to real life, but not very engaging.
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): 2.5 sucks

Second to last movie I saw: American Beauty
One line review: Great ending, good use of color, and a good message.
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): 1.5 sucks

Third to last movie I saw: Sideways
One line review: Good symbolism, good ending, but didn't spark my interest that much.
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): 2.0 sucks

Saturday...1:28 AM... Here I sit, door closed, window open, alone in my room. Not an uncommon situation, really. It brings back a lot of memories. I like my alone time, but sometimes it makes me remorseful. I'm trying to sort through this movie I just watched. (Mulholland Drive) Let me tell you, it's not an easy task. My best explanation is alternate dimensions, but even then it doesn't really make sense. It's like the plot exists outside the normal fabric of time and continuity. One thing is really another, but even then, it's not. I can't explain it, you just have to see it for yourself. So anyway, while I commend a film like this for daring to be different, I still don't think it works as well as it could. I mean, I'm all for things being confusing as long as it ties together somehow eventually. I think that the audience expects and in some way deserves that amount of resolution. I'm also into denying resolution, however, in the form of non-happy endings. Leaving the audience with the feeling that they've been cheated out of their fairy tale perfect ending is sadistically pleasurable for me. Anyway, I don't know where I'm going with this. So I'm 21 now, which is in a way exciting, but also sort of a let down. Nothing has really changed. I'm still the same person I've always been. I like to think that lives are defined more by events than by some arbitrary calendar. Life lately has been rather mundane. Yeah, there was my birthday, and yeah, Thanksgiving is coming up, but time comes and time goes, and nothing seems to change. Looking back at some of my other late night loneliness sessions, even 2 or 3 years ago, I find myself in many of the same situations. Only the names and places have been changed. Things are progressing, though. I've learned a lot and have been able to clarify some of my visions. It just seems that things never come as quickly as I'd like them to. I fear for my future, I really do. What's going to happen when I get to where I want to be and still aren't satisfied? I pray that I can overcome that selfish greed, and learn to be at peace.

Current Mood: Calm
Currently listening to: Under the Table and Dreaming and Before These Crowded Streets by Dave Matthews Band
Last movie I saw: Mulholland Drive
One line review: I can't tell if it's brilliant or stupid, but at least it gets credit for being different...
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): 2.0 sucks

The past couple of weeks, with a few notable exceptions, have been good, but in a way lifeless. I haven't been doing bad, but I wouldn't say that things were good. It's like saying "fine" when somebody asks you how you're doing. The thing is, nothing explicitly bad has happened, but nothing seems to excite me anymore. I feel like I'm going through the motions with nothing to really inspire or motivate me. It's a real shame, because for awhile there I was feeling really good about everything. Visiting my brother was fun, and fall conference was really good, but I still have this listless indifference to everything. (Can you tell I've been using my word of the day calendar?) I don't know what I need to inspire me again and give me a zeal for life. I guess part of the problem is that in the past I've been stimulated by temporary things. When they're gone, I tend to crash into this horrid spiral of depression. I wouldn't say that was the case this time, in that I haven't been depressed, which gives me some hope. Remember how I talked about the excitement in anticipation, and how that was actually the fun part of a lot of things? I think that really is true. Right now I feel resigned instead of impetuous. (Do I need to add a link to dictionary.com?) Maybe I just need to get used to the idea that life is, by definition, mundane. That's pretty grim though, and I think that most people would like to believe otherwise. There's got to be more to just going through the motions. Otherwise, what is there to live for? Anyway, I'm not sure what the point to writing this was, but here it is nonetheless. Oh yeah, by the way, I'm trying to figure out what some of my gifts or talents are. If you have any idea, shoot me an IM. Thanks.

By the way, if you're on facebook, add me to your friends please. (link to the right)

Current Mood: Not good, but not bad either
Currently listening to: All Ears, All Eyes, All The Time by Piebald and American Hotel by Butterscotch
Last movie I saw: May
One line review: A little corny, but very amusing and disturbing, lots of symbolism, fantastic ending.
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): 1.0 sucks

I suppose the last post didn't give anyone much to go on, eh? That was the intent at least. Then again, maybe it was obvious. I have a tough time telling how vague or transparent I am. Regardless, I'll just leave it as there have been a slew of issues which have been bothering me lately. Some old, some new, some borrowed, well, none were really borrowed, but you get the idea... Nothing really deserves public posting, though, and so I'll tell you individually if and when I'm ready. So basically, things could be better. Even so, I've actually been surprised at how well I seem to be handling everything. Sorry to disappoint yet again, but I'm not going to comment on the election either. I'm sick and tired of politics, and I don't want to get in the middle of or incite any arguments. Where does that leave us? I guess I can mention that I'm going to Columbus this weekend. (and next weekend for that matter...) I'm looking forward to spending some time with my brother and just getting away from everything. I've just written ten lines and said nothing. That's a bit discouraging. I don't really have anything to post about, but it just felt like it was time to throw something up here. Sometimes it seems like time just goes flying by and there's no point to any of it. What have I been doing with my time lately? How should I be using it more productively? The problem is I just don't feel like doing anything. I'm sure you know what that can be like. I guess I just need some time to regroup and refocus. I think I'll leave it at this; if I don't seem to be myself this week, it's to be expected. Just give me some time, and hopefully things will turn back around soon.

Current Mood: Pensive
Currently listening to: On To The Next One by Last Conservative and Give Up by The Postal Service
Last movie I saw: (still) Good Will Hunting
One line review: (still) As much as I dislike Ben Afflek/Matt Damon, I gotta say that I liked the film.
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): (still) 1.5 sucks