Monday, March 06, 2006
Score: Me - 10, World - 0
Thanks for playing everybody! No, seriously. It's better that you didn't. Seriously.
Wow, what can I say? I guess since it seems that nobody reads this anymore, I can pretty much say anything. I'm an honest person anyway, and I just feel like I need to get this off my chest. So here goes nothing... A couple weeks ago, I met this really cool girl. We hung out a couple of times and seemed to really connect well. (Her name was the answer to the contest by the way.) I think she put it best when she said that she saw a lot of herself in me. Obviously I felt the same way about her. We always had really good conversations, from playfully teasing to more serious issues, we just seemed to click on a lot of levels. The last time I saw her was one week ago. We've talked online several times since then, and that's where the problem came up. She basically told me that she didn't want to get involved in a relationship right now. I told her that's fine. I told her that I'm really just looking for friends right now in a new and stragne place. I wasn't just partonizing her either. That is the truth, mostly... Would I mind starting a relationship with her? No, absolutely not, it would be great. But if that's not what she wants, I can respect her decision. I would be thrilled to just become close friends with her, especially since we seemed to relate so well. I wouldn't throw away the chance to gain a good friend just because I couldn't have a more serious relationship. She comes back to me, though, saying that she's not good at being just freinds with boys. Now, the way I see it, there are two possible ways to interpret this. The first is that she doesn't actually like me and is trying to politely blow me off. I really have a hard time accepting this explanation, though, basesd on how she acted around me the few times that we hung out. There is the possibility that I did something wrong in the past week or so to change her mind, but I really can't see anything that I did that would spark such a radical reversal. Maybe I'm wrong, but I hope not. That brings us to the second explanation, and hopefully the correct one. Maybe she's completely telling the truth. Maybe she really doesn't want to be in a realationship right now. Maybe she really does like me and is afraid that she is incapable of just being my freind, that inevitably it will lead to more. Maybe she's been hurt in the past by bad relationships and is afraid of it happening again. While I don't understand her willingness to throw away the possibility of a good freindship for the fear of getting hurt, it at least makes sense that someone could feel that way. I accept her need to deal with these very real and potentially hurtful emotions. Even if it means that I'll never get to see her again. I just hope that in the future she'll be able to deal with her fears and learn to trust again. Life's too short to live in fear of love. I just wish that things had turned out differently...
I'm not sure if she reads this anymore, but if you do, I'd just like to know; did I do anything wrong? I'm sorry if I did.
Current Mood: Confused
Currently listening to: The Bends by Radiohead and Based on a True Story by The Starting Line
Last movie I saw: (still) Crash
One line review: (still) A lot more racially motivated than I expected, but still pretty good.
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): (still) 2.5 sucks (even if it is the "best picture")
Wow, what can I say? I guess since it seems that nobody reads this anymore, I can pretty much say anything. I'm an honest person anyway, and I just feel like I need to get this off my chest. So here goes nothing... A couple weeks ago, I met this really cool girl. We hung out a couple of times and seemed to really connect well. (Her name was the answer to the contest by the way.) I think she put it best when she said that she saw a lot of herself in me. Obviously I felt the same way about her. We always had really good conversations, from playfully teasing to more serious issues, we just seemed to click on a lot of levels. The last time I saw her was one week ago. We've talked online several times since then, and that's where the problem came up. She basically told me that she didn't want to get involved in a relationship right now. I told her that's fine. I told her that I'm really just looking for friends right now in a new and stragne place. I wasn't just partonizing her either. That is the truth, mostly... Would I mind starting a relationship with her? No, absolutely not, it would be great. But if that's not what she wants, I can respect her decision. I would be thrilled to just become close friends with her, especially since we seemed to relate so well. I wouldn't throw away the chance to gain a good friend just because I couldn't have a more serious relationship. She comes back to me, though, saying that she's not good at being just freinds with boys. Now, the way I see it, there are two possible ways to interpret this. The first is that she doesn't actually like me and is trying to politely blow me off. I really have a hard time accepting this explanation, though, basesd on how she acted around me the few times that we hung out. There is the possibility that I did something wrong in the past week or so to change her mind, but I really can't see anything that I did that would spark such a radical reversal. Maybe I'm wrong, but I hope not. That brings us to the second explanation, and hopefully the correct one. Maybe she's completely telling the truth. Maybe she really doesn't want to be in a realationship right now. Maybe she really does like me and is afraid that she is incapable of just being my freind, that inevitably it will lead to more. Maybe she's been hurt in the past by bad relationships and is afraid of it happening again. While I don't understand her willingness to throw away the possibility of a good freindship for the fear of getting hurt, it at least makes sense that someone could feel that way. I accept her need to deal with these very real and potentially hurtful emotions. Even if it means that I'll never get to see her again. I just hope that in the future she'll be able to deal with her fears and learn to trust again. Life's too short to live in fear of love. I just wish that things had turned out differently...
I'm not sure if she reads this anymore, but if you do, I'd just like to know; did I do anything wrong? I'm sorry if I did.
Current Mood: Confused
Currently listening to: The Bends by Radiohead and Based on a True Story by The Starting Line
Last movie I saw: (still) Crash
One line review: (still) A lot more racially motivated than I expected, but still pretty good.
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): (still) 2.5 sucks (even if it is the "best picture")
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