Blog of R'kik D'nec

So I posted a nice little introspective piece over on my MySpace blog. There's a link to the right to my 'Space or you can go to:

blog.myspace.com/rkikdnec

It's titled "Growing up, moment by moment" Enjoy.

Current Mood: Calm
Currently listening to: Is This It by The Strokes
Last movie I saw: Find Your Own Way
One line review: Interesting, but didn't really go anywhere; it also seemed biased to one particular "scene"
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): 3.5 sucks

The past few mornings I've woken up in a really good mood. It's been wonderful. I worked 10 hours today, yet the day still seemed to go by more quickly than yesterday. I didn't have my coffee yesterday morning, and the day just seemed to drag. I hate to say it, but I may be getting addicted to caffeine. I cut my toenails yesterday, which was something I had been neglecting for far too long. Today I got a lot of spam in my MySpace mail. It's not something I usually see, but I flagged like 5 messages today. I run icing tests in the wind tunnel, meaning the tunnel gets really (and I mean really) cold, like -30 C... I think it would be funny to lick the wind tunnel and get my tongue stuck to it. Now that would make a cool MySpace picture... If they allowed cameras in the "facility"... I can't even take my phone in to work because of the camera function. Not that it really matters. About the only people that call me are my parents and my brother. I've been neglecting my blogspot for far too long. I'm seriously getting addicted to MySpace. Even though it may be full of psychos and stalkers, there are some really cool people to be found. I saw a shirt the other day (online, not in person) that said "I'm a pimp on MySpace." I didn't buy it. In a way that's just kind of sad. (the shirt is sad, not that I didn't get it) The internet is a love hate relationship for me, for sure. Sigur Ros is coming to Minneapolis in May!!! I'm buying tickets on Saturday. So stoked. Well, that's about all the little ramblings I've got for tonight. Maybe it's just the fatigue from my long day talking, but hopefully there was some content in there that was interesting to you.

Current Mood: Tired
Currently listening to: The Grey Album by DJ Danger Mouse
Last movie I saw: (still) Crash
One line review: (still) A lot more racially motivated than I expected, but still pretty good.
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): (still) 2.5 sucks (even if it is the "best picture")

Thanks for playing everybody! No, seriously. It's better that you didn't. Seriously.

Wow, what can I say? I guess since it seems that nobody reads this anymore, I can pretty much say anything. I'm an honest person anyway, and I just feel like I need to get this off my chest. So here goes nothing... A couple weeks ago, I met this really cool girl. We hung out a couple of times and seemed to really connect well. (Her name was the answer to the contest by the way.) I think she put it best when she said that she saw a lot of herself in me. Obviously I felt the same way about her. We always had really good conversations, from playfully teasing to more serious issues, we just seemed to click on a lot of levels. The last time I saw her was one week ago. We've talked online several times since then, and that's where the problem came up. She basically told me that she didn't want to get involved in a relationship right now. I told her that's fine. I told her that I'm really just looking for friends right now in a new and stragne place. I wasn't just partonizing her either. That is the truth, mostly... Would I mind starting a relationship with her? No, absolutely not, it would be great. But if that's not what she wants, I can respect her decision. I would be thrilled to just become close friends with her, especially since we seemed to relate so well. I wouldn't throw away the chance to gain a good friend just because I couldn't have a more serious relationship. She comes back to me, though, saying that she's not good at being just freinds with boys. Now, the way I see it, there are two possible ways to interpret this. The first is that she doesn't actually like me and is trying to politely blow me off. I really have a hard time accepting this explanation, though, basesd on how she acted around me the few times that we hung out. There is the possibility that I did something wrong in the past week or so to change her mind, but I really can't see anything that I did that would spark such a radical reversal. Maybe I'm wrong, but I hope not. That brings us to the second explanation, and hopefully the correct one. Maybe she's completely telling the truth. Maybe she really doesn't want to be in a realationship right now. Maybe she really does like me and is afraid that she is incapable of just being my freind, that inevitably it will lead to more. Maybe she's been hurt in the past by bad relationships and is afraid of it happening again. While I don't understand her willingness to throw away the possibility of a good freindship for the fear of getting hurt, it at least makes sense that someone could feel that way. I accept her need to deal with these very real and potentially hurtful emotions. Even if it means that I'll never get to see her again. I just hope that in the future she'll be able to deal with her fears and learn to trust again. Life's too short to live in fear of love. I just wish that things had turned out differently...

I'm not sure if she reads this anymore, but if you do, I'd just like to know; did I do anything wrong? I'm sorry if I did.

Current Mood: Confused
Currently listening to: The Bends by Radiohead and Based on a True Story by The Starting Line
Last movie I saw: (still) Crash
One line review: (still) A lot more racially motivated than I expected, but still pretty good.
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): (still) 2.5 sucks (even if it is the "best picture")

A blank page is intimidating. What's the first thing that comes into my mind when I sit down to write with no particular purpose? The same two syllables that have been randomly inserting themselves into my thoughts all day. The same problem that's had my mind doing incessant triple-axles, trying to turn it over every which way in the hope that some alternate point of view will suddenly make everything perfectly clear. (How'd you like my Olympics reference there? Timely, no?) So shall I discuss this so-called "problem"? You should know me better than that by now. After all, where would this blog be without vague references? But hey, why don't we turn this into a fun little game. Posting a comment with your best guess as to what the "two syllables" are will accomplish two purposes... First off, it will allow me to see if anyone actually reads this blog anymore, and secondly it will enter you in the "Guess What Phil's Talking About Game"! A correct answer is worth 10 points, a half-correct or related answer is worth 4 points, the most funny answer is worth 5 points, and just for posting any guess, you get 1 point. So there you go; best of luck to everybody and be sure to watch for future installments of the game!

Risks.
They make life interesting. But then, a lot of things make life interesting. I've found myself saying that about a lot of things lately. Wouldn't it be great if you could find life interesting without taking chances or living through drama or without any of the other negative side-effects that so often come entwined with out-of-the-ordinary or "interesting" events in our lives? Sadly, a predictable life is a boring one. I'm not a risk taker by nature. I decided to buck that trend in the middle of writing this blog and it totally backfired on me. You might find it interesting though, so I'll relate the story here for your entertainment. Basically I called up a girl that I had gotten the number of this past weekend and left a message. I'm sober right now, and this was quite possibly one of the worst non-drunken messages that anyone's left a quasi-stranger ever....ever. I rambled on for about a minute, repeated myself several times, didn't come across with any clear point, ended up calling myself a psycho (yes, to her voicemail!) , and finally practically begged her to call me back. What can I say? I just snapped. Needless to say, I don't expect to be hearing from her any time soon, let alone ever. If somehow I miracuously do hear back, don't worry, I'm sure I'll be telling you about it... Risks suck. It's a wonder anyone ever takes them, knowing full well the negative consequences that could befall them. Hahahahaha, all I can do is laugh.....

Current Mood: Topsy-turvey
Currently listening to: A Hangover You Don't Deserve by Bowling for Soup and Howl Howl Gaff Gaff by Shout Out Louds
Last movie I saw: Crash
One line review: A lot more racially motivated than I expected, but still pretty good.
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): 2.5 sucks