Thursday, February 24, 2005
We are the living dead
I sat there in class yesterday, wondering when the last time that I really felt deep emotion was. The closest thing that I could come up with was around Halloween of last year. It seems that in the months that have passed since then, I've just been drifting through life, not really caring deeply about anything. There have been ripples of excitement and let down, but nothing really major. Looking back, my college years have been a big blur, and I don't feel like anything really momentous has come out of it. In the end of "The Grapes of Wrath", Ma says something about how men live in jerks and women live more like the continuous flow of a river. I'm not sure I agree with that. I feel like the past several years, and especially the past several months have been one continuous flow for me. It's kind of sad when you think about it though. It's like you're a ghost floating through life, like you're not really alive. I speak for myself, but I've noticed kind of the same thing in a lot of the people around me too. I think that many students kind of drift through college without any real meaning or significance. In "Adaptation", the screenwriting coach tells Charlie, "Nothing happens in the world? Are you out of your fucking mind? People are murdered every day. There's genocide, war, corruption. Every fucking day, somewhere in the world, somebody sacrifices his life to save someone else. Every fucking day, someone, somewhere makes a conscious decision to destroy someone else. People find love, people lose it. For Christ's sake, a child watches her mother beaten to death on the steps of a church. Someone goes hungry. Somebody else betrays his best friend for a woman. If you can't find that stuff in life, then you, my friend, don't know crap about life." There are times I wish that I could find some of those things in life. It certainly would make things more interesting, and in some way make me feel more alive. Today was not a good day. I felt like I did poorly on two exams, I found out I was rejected for a job without even getting an interview, and I was reminded about how alone I feel. None of it really strikes me to my core though. I don't really care about any of it. Tomorrow's another day when more things will happen and I won't care about them either.
Current Mood: Disheartened
Currently listening to: OK Computer by Radiohead
Last movie I saw: The Heiress
One line review: Actually better than the book, really good ending
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): 1.5 sucks
Current Mood: Disheartened
Currently listening to: OK Computer by Radiohead
Last movie I saw: The Heiress
One line review: Actually better than the book, really good ending
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): 1.5 sucks
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