Blog of R'kik D'nec

So aside from all the political stuff, I just wanted to share this disturbing dream that I had last night. It was late afternoon, and not many people were around. The sun was just about to set. I was walking to my car in the parking lot by Fribley. (It was just where I left it in real life.) I see someone else about to get into their car, when they're attacked by two men with guns. With these two men was a small kid wearing a bandana. He couldn't have been more than 12. The two men start dragging the other man off somewhere. I'm scared, but instead of doing anything I crouch down on the pavement behind my car. One of the men sees me though, and the larger guy, who's apparently in charge tells his sidekick to take the other guy somewhere while he deals with me. The kid runs over to me first and is followed closely by the man in charge. He tells the kid to rob me. I've only got about 20-some dollars, and I give it to the kid without objecting. The kid runs off after the second man. Now it's just me and the man in charge. He holds up his gun to the right side of my head. I start panicking and ask what more he wants. I beg him not to kill me. He calmly says, "Don't worry, I'm not going to kill you," as he moves the gun over to his right hand and places it at an upward angle on my left temple. "I'm only going to shoot out part of your brain." He brushes aside his hair on the left side of his head, revealing a large scar, saying "Just like what happened to me."
As if I wasn't already scared enough, this terrified me. I couldn't think of anything, so I just started trying to recite the 23rd Psalm, but I couldn't remember it. The man mocked me, and just as he was about to pull the trigger, his partner interrupted him. He took the gun away and talked to his partner for a minute, but then his partner left again and he got back to torturing me. This time, he took out a knife and started threatening to cut my testicles off. Before he could act though, his partner came back with a vehicle, and they grabbed me and took me with them. We ended up at a hideout of some kind, where the other person they abducted was tied up. I don't really remember what happened after that, but there was some exchange and story at the hideout before I finally woke up. Anyway, I just thought that it was a really disturbing dream. The whole idea of some psycho with half a brain out trying to get a roundabout revenge by hurting others is really quite sickening. So yeah, that's pretty much it. I'm not even going to try and interpret things. Sweet dreams.....

(See below for mood, music and movies)

So obviously, I just got done watching the Presidential debate, and like about a million other bloggers I'm going to throw in my 2 cents to the conversation. First of all, let me say that my vote doesn't matter. I'm registered and voting absentee in New York, which is a "blue" state no matter what I do, just because of NYC. So before the debate I was leaning toward Bush, not because I like him or what he's done particularly, but because I didn't know that much about how Kerry proposed to handle a lot of issues. Also, I figure that since we are in Iraq and we are in the middle of things so to speak, we should let Bush finish what he started. War is not a quick and easy issue, and of course the reconstruction is not going to happen overnight. Whether or not it was right to go to war in Iraq is irrelevant. What matters now is that we are there and things are not stable. I think that if anything, we need to be stronger in Iraq and really crush them into submission, while at the same time working to train them to take care of themselves. Ideally, after we get done with all of that, I'd like to see America return to its traditional policy of neutrality. Odds are, though, that will never happen. Anyway, in the debate I thought that Kerry presented himself very well. He seemed more at ease and collected than Bush, and really seemed in control of things. More importantly, however, he finally got into some details about how he proposed to handle the current situation. I liked what he had to say about how a new administration and a new credibility could help convince other nations to give their support. However, I didn't like how he kept attacking Bush on how we shouldn't be in Iraq in the first place. Quite simply, that doesn't matter anymore! We are there and we need to hear more about how you propose to handle the present. Overall, I think Kerry had a strong showing and made me more comfortable with him as a candidate. I felt a lot of what Bush was saying was just the same things he's been saying for months. As I alluded to before, there is an advantage to staying with the status quo, but he should at least find a new way to say things. Bush's speaking seemed a little more perturbed and uneasy, which was contradictory to his message of strength and stability. I did like what Bush had to say about the terrorists having millions of ways to harm us, and how they only have to be right once, and then going on to make the case that we must be offensive. I think that has a lot of merit. No matter what we do, the country is never going to be 100% safe, and the more we do, the more our personal freedoms will be restricted, which I totally oppose. I think Bush could have given a better performance. He has a strong and simple message, but he has to elaborate and not sound like he's saying the same things over and over.
In the end though, if I had to vote today, I probably wouldn't vote. Really, what the debate showed me more than ever was how similar the candidates and the two parties really are. Honestly, I don't think it matters who wins the election. Things will unfold pretty much the same. I mean, how much is really under the control of the President? There is only so much that he can do. There are just too many events and variables out of his control. Look at 9/11 and how unpredictable it was and how drastically it changed everything. (Or, if you rather, how little it has changed things.) Anyway, come on people, the candidates have the same views. I really wish that third parties could be heard and that the American public would accept that it doesn't have to be a two party system. Furthermore, I'm tired of people being violently pro-Kerry or pro-Bush. I'm sick of people who are convinced that if their candidate doesn't win that the world will end. Come on people.....no matter what happens nothing will change!
So I guess that's my take on the debate, some world issues right now, and the American political system in general. Please, fell free to comment. :)

Current Mood: Regretful
Currently listening to: A Ghost Is Born by Wilco
Last movie I saw: (still) THX 1138
One line review: (still) Very stylish, but that made it somewhat hard to follow; the ending was kind of cheesy
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): (still) 2.0 sucks (on style)

I like to think that I have a pretty good sense of smell. When I walked in my building, I caught a whiff of something in the lobby, and immediately thought to myself, "Domino's Cinnastix". Sure enough, when I got up to my suite, Jon was eating Cinnastix and a pizza. I would say that I enjoy smells in general. Maybe that's part of the reason I have such a weakness for food. When I was young, I always used to sniff weird things. I would sniff my stuffed animals and my Dad. They were good, comforting smells. I still do it to some extent. Just this morning I was lying in bed and sniffed my pillow. I also like the scent of rain and dead leaves. These are smells that I associate with fall, but still I wouldn't say that there is a single scent for fall. Some people at my small group tonight were saying that different seasons had different smells...just the air itself. That's something I just really don't get. What do you all think? Is there a particular smell for each season, or rather are there just certain smells that you associate with times and places? I know that the later is definitely true for me. Walking around campus, when I catch a whiff of something, it usually brings back certain memories for me; people and places and events. Not all of the memories are always good, but there are still associations. The same thing happens for other senses as well. For example, certain songs will bring back certain memories for me. It can be strange and unexpected, but ultimately it's a fun trip back in time. Anyway, this was just one of those strange little moments that I thought I would share.

Current Mood: Tormented
Currently listening to: Stay What You Are by Saves The Day and Steal This Album! by System of a Down
Last movie I saw: THX 1138 (completely)
One line review: Very stylish, but that made it somewhat hard to follow; the ending was kind of cheesy
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): 2.0 sucks (on style)

I guess the first order of business should be to clarify last night's post a little. Everything I said I meant, but that doesn't mean it should be viewed as a lashing out against everyone and everything, and especially not against anyone in particular. More accurately, it should be seen as an expression of my frustration with being unable to express my real thoughts and feelings. Maybe the problem is society, as I explained last night, or maybe the problem only lies within myself. Anyway, with that out of the way, I just wanted to say a little about sports. I was playing ultimate frisbee today, and it really kind of depressed me. Side note: I elbowed Jon in the head (unintentionally), but I think he deserved it because he's a cocky bastard when he's playing frisbee. Anyway, I've never been an athletic person. I've never liked sports either. Watching or playing just never interested me. Whenever I did try to play I sucked, which basically just discouraged me even more. Things really haven't changed too much, and it's just demoralizing to keep on doing something you suck at. The catch is I actually do enjoy frisbee somewhat, and you can't get better without practicing etc... So it's just kind of a paradox. I guess I should spend more time celebrating my other gifts and such, but that's kind of hard to do when you're not sure what they are. I don't mean to sound too depressing here. Things lately have been going well for me, and in general I would say that my life is on an upward trend. Of course there are still the occasional potholes, and I get the feeling that this blog is kind of a roadmap of where they are. So, metaphorically speaking, who or what is the construction crew?

Current Mood: Exhausted
Currently listening to: Final Straw by Snow Patrol
Last movie I saw: THX 1138 (or half of it at least)
One line review: I'll withhold judgment until I see the ending
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): ?.? sucks

I've been saying this for a long time now, but I think it's something the bears repeating. I really wish that people would say what's on their minds. All of this political correctness and trying to be polite and non-offensive doesn't really work for me. If you have a problem with something or someone, you should come out with it. The truth comes out eventually in one form or another. Isn't it better to let it out in the beginning and avoid all the guessing and backstabbing and mistrust that comes with these so-called "white lies"? I absolutely hate trying to interpret things people say. I always assume that there's a hidden meaning. Maybe it has to do with my distrust of people in general. I also hate having to try and hide my true feelings so that I can "fit in" and not be ostracized. It always seems that when I do say what's really on my mind that people don't take it well. It's like they want to be lied to. Somehow I come off as the bad person, and it sucks. This is an issue that really strikes me to the core and pisses me off. Why don't people understand? Things could be so much simpler if you were honest! So you tell someone something you don't like about them, and they accept it. At least they know how you really feel and don't waste their time trying to convince you otherwise. The thing is, it's really all a game to everyone. Unfortunately, it's not a game that I'm good at playing. It torments me to no end that I have to keep things to myself and that I have to try and probe into what even says to find out how they really feel. Am I the only one who wants honesty? You're all living in the dark! You maintain the charade so you can all go about your stupid happy little oblivious McLives. I guess ignorance really is bliss......

Current Mood: Confused/Lost
Currently listening to: Misc. tracks by Modest Mouse (old school)
Last movie I saw: Star Wars IV: A New Hope (or half of it at least)
One line review: There was a time I was obsessed with these movies, so I really can't say anything bad.
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): 1.5 sucks

Man, I just got the strangest craving for tacos. I was just about ready to go to Taco (ghetto) Bell, but Jon talked me out of it. So this is basically just a reminder to you or to me or to whoever that the next time it's convenient, I should get myself a taco. By the way, I might have been a bit premature last time. I think this is actually my 50th post. Also, check out my KC-135 photo album now conveniently linked to the right, and Joe's blog, also linked to the right. Oh yeah, and one more thing...anyone who wants to go see Yo La Tengo on Saturday should let me know so I can go get tickets. While I'm out, maybe I could hit up Taco Bell.....hmmmm.....

Current Mood: Hungry
Currently listening to: Aenema by Tool
Last movie I saw: (still) Eurotrip
One line review: (still) Definitely not good, but not amazingly bad either; amusing.
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): (still) 2.5 sucks

That's right, amigos: This is my 50th blog posting!
Unfortunately, I get the feeling that I'm celebrating with an audience of one (myself). Seriously, does anyone actually read this anymore? I haven't had a comment in months. Maybe it's just because I haven't written anything comment-worthy. Maybe it's because my readership, which, let's face it, at best, was minute, has diminished and or vanished. Is that way too many commas in a sentence? So anyway, I guess what I'm saying is that if I don't get any comments on this post, then it will be my last. Maybe if I get really bored some time in the future, or feel like there's something really important I need to say then I'll revive this blog. Otherwise, I guess this is it. So what kind of note do I go out on? I'll leave the little music/movie thing at the bottom, because I kind of liked that. In my first post, I said that I didn't want this blog to just be about my everyday life. I don't know how well that worked out. Honestly, how much can you say about the world that hasn't been said before in some form? Heck, even that's been said many times before. So I guess to finish I'll just run down a few highlights of the past week or so. Wednesday I went and checked out some of the gravity games here in Cleveland. It was a free admission day and I got to see bike dirt and street and skateboarding vert practice. Very cool stuff, and a lot of fun, but it's a shame that nobody wanted to go with me. Thursday and Friday I was supposed to fly on the KC-135 again, and being weightless is always fun. However, mechanical problems caused the flight on Thursday to be cancelled, and time only allowed one flight on Friday. Our experiment didn't work again...go figure. So I had fun just floating around and stuff. I have a few cool movies thanks to Jon's camera, so let me know if you'd like to see them. Friday night I went to the Jurassic 5 concert here at Case, and last night I saw Phantom Planet at the Agora. Both were decent. Like JP said, though, it seemed that we fit in more at the rock concert. Next Saturday hopefully I'm going to see Yo La Tengo, and then October 12th is Coheed and Cambria. So yesterday I had to get up early and drive down to Columbus for a "flight test" for my flight and orbital mechanics course. We basically flew around in a Cessna and did some different maneuvers. It was fun, but not quite as exciting as the KC-135. A side benefit was getting to visit with my brother in Columbus again. We basically just ate and hung out for a few hours, but it was good. So now it's Sunday and I'm faced with the reality that I haven't done any work since Tuesday, and I need to get back into school. Oh well, I guess that's just the price you pay. So how do I wrap up my blog? Like American History X (0.5 sucks), I guess it's best to end with a quote, so here it goes:

Do you want a soda?
Mmmm?
Mmmmm??
Aw, screw it, I tried.

Current Mood: Let Down
Currently listening to: Showbiz by Muse
Last movie I saw: Eurotrip
One line review: Definitely not good, but not amazingly bad either; amusing.
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): 2.5 sucks

...how you can be so lonely when you're surrounded by people.

For JP, inspired by The Six Parts Seven

Encased in my own solitude
My existance was always crude
Tightly trapped in my mental cave
Soon the light I began to crave
But the dark's hold was hard to break
Those old feelings just would not shake
For a moment I glimpsed the light
But in the end I lost he fight.

I'm always watching from afar
It just opens forgotten scars
All the things I could never say
Swam inside of my head that day
I've been burned many times before
I whish I could even the score
Where do I get the courage to
Take the plunge and play the fool.

Current Mood: Tired and Wet
Currently listening to: Modest Mix III by Modest Mouse
Last movie I saw: Napoleon Dynamite
One line review: Slightly amusing, but where's the plot?
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): 3.5 sucks

Marine Land!~

Still enjoying the college atmosphere with little actual work that needs to get done. Hopefully things won't come crashing down too soon.

Current Mood: Satisfied
Currently listening to: Everynight Fire Works by Hey Mercedes
Last movie I saw: Blade
One line review: I don't really remember, I was too tired.
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): 3 sucks