Blog of R'kik D'nec

I wouldn't say that things are going badly. This past week I've been ahead in my schoolwork, I've gotten plenty of sleep, I've gotten several new leads on co-op (see below), not to mention that my birthday was Tuesday and I got to see my dad and brother.

Somehow, all of that's not enough.

I keep waking up miserable. Why should I bother getting up? Why is my life worth living? What am I missing??? I don't really know what the problem is. I just feel like there's some void in my life that needs to be filled in.

It's like rotting from the inside out.

Which means there's still that stupid shell that everyone sees. It makes you think how often, or rather, how seldom people get beyond it. People are so shallow. I can't think of the last time I had a real, meaningful discussion with someone. In fact, maybe that's the problem.

Loneliness.

I mean, there are people around me. The thing is, I don't think that I really care about them, and consequently, I don't think that they really care about me either. I'd like to have a deeper connection with people. I'd like to be cared about. Honestly, I'd like to feel important. Actually, it pisses me off to have people around me, only to talk about daily activities or the weather.

I believe that people are selfish.

Everyone cares about themselves, first and foremost. I know I do. Maybe I'm just a bad person. I care about myself, and other people should too. If they cared about me first, then I would care about them. It's a connection, it's a relationship. When will this happen, if ever? This is why I say "I don't have any friends".....and you thought I was being sarcastic.

So what does this mean?

I'm just not happy. I think that people were meant to connect with others. It's a basic need, and I don't think that it's being met for me.