Blog of R'kik D'nec

And this is why I don't trust people. I keep getting these crazy ideas that everyone's out to get me. I keep telling myself that I'm paranoid. But what happens when I find out that my suspicions were right? OK, I guess I'm dramatizing things a little. Let's take a look at the facts, shall we? I was curious to see if my blog showed up in search engines, and so I did a little test. One of the first things that popped up, however, was a website made by a fellow Case student. (Incidentally, most of the results, including the #1, were webpages in German....go figure) By the way, my blog didn't show up, if you're curious. So I take a look at this guy's website, and guess what I find? There are a couple pictures of me, and the essence of what he wrote was more or less offensive to me. His basic topics were that I never talk to anybody and I have no hope at a love life. Everything was in a harsh, sarcastic tone, and in my opinion made me look bad. In reality, who reads this stuff and what's their perception of it? It doesn't really matter. What matters is that I don't like it and I find it offensive. So I find out whose website this is, and it turns out to be a guy I knew freshman year of college, which was basically a pretty rough time for me. This is a guy that I never really liked, and who I always thought didn't like me. Turns out I was right all along, but that's not much comfort. So anyway, I was/am pretty pissed off at this kid. What a jerk, that he has to demean others to feel better about himself. Now let me get into why exactly I have a problem with this whole thing. Basically, I don't like the idea that somebody that I haven't even met (especially someone I might meet, e.g. someone that goes to my college) can read something about me and have false preconceived notions about me without ever actually getting to know me. This is actually one of my recurring fears. I'm worried a lot of the time that there are people out there that don't like me and are trying to ruin me. I always have told myself that I'm just paranoid, but now I'm not sure what to think. It really bothers me that there are idiotic people out there like this. Honestly though, does it really matter? Is this whole thing really that big a deal? No, I guess not. Is it worth retaliating over? Probably not. It's mostly the principle of the thing that gets me, and to make things worse what he was saying strikes close to home in terms of my own self doubts and fears. So what can we conclude from all this? Don't trust anyone. Ever.

(and be miserable as a result)

Unrelated: Lately, I've come to the conclusion that I have a problem with jealousy. Pray for me about that. Also remind me to do an entry on it sometime.

Side note: "blog" gets caught by the blog spellchecker, lol

Additional random angry point: I still haven't heard back from Codonics, even though they said they would get back to me by the end of the week. Not that I expect to get the job, but still....you would think they would at least tell me so.