Blog of R'kik D'nec

Well, the long awaited trip home has finally come, and mostly gone. Right now, everybody in the house is asleep except for myself. I'm sitting in the TV room with the lights out listening to the iPod and writing this. A lot of times, things just don't live up to your expectations, and I guess this is one example of that. I didn't really have any specific plans for this trip home, I just was hoping that it would be fun and relaxing. It's hard to explain, but things just seem different. I love my family and being with them, but for some reason there seems to be tension. It feels like somehow I'm separate. So at least its been good seeing all of my friends and stuff right? Well, not really, and maybe that's the problem. I really haven't gotten out of the house much. It's pretty much been sleep and TV, which is all well and good, but not really all that exciting. On top of all that, the weather has been sucky and rainy pretty much the whole weekend. You see, I really don't have too many friends to visit in Batavia. I guess you can say I "burn my bridges". In high school I was so unpopular that I had virtually no friends. Those few I did have I really haven't kept up with, and I just don't feel comfortable pretending I haven't ignored them for two and a half years. The friends I've made since graduation, over the summers, have really been just that, summer freinds, and I never really did anything with them since. So, like I said, here I am sitting at home alone. So yeah, being home has been strange. I keep thinking about having to go back to school and do work to catch up, and that's really not helping. This last week pretty much sucked. My interview didn't go well enough, the midterm I had didn't go well. In fact, I would say that it was one of the worst tests I've taken in a long time. Then today I got an email basically saying I was rejected from GE. Now the one co-op lead I had has been extinguished, and I haven't gotten any more offers yet. I'm a bit worried about that. I was really looking forward to taking next semester off, and as of right now, it looks like that won't be happening. Hopefully I'll get some other offers soon. It's just awkward. Things aren't going smoothly at home, things are even worse at school at the moment, and I'm stuck wondering: Where is my place? That's a big question. It's definately something I've been thinking about a lot lately, meaning the last six monts or so. Where do I belong? What should I be doing? What is going to make me happy? I just don't know. These are questions that everybody faces at some point, and the lucky ones are those that easily find the answers. I hope you find your answers.