Blog of R'kik D'nec

It's been a short week and a long one at the same time. I only had three days of class, but they were after a vacation and jam packed full of work, so it seemed to take forever to get to the weekend. It has been a pretty good weekend though. Working for homecoming this morning wasn't as bad as I had expected. Well, now that I've given you a brief overview of the past week, it's time to talk about something (hopefully) interesting. I watched American History X tonight. It's a very powerful film, and I highly recommend seeing it if you haven't already, and seeing it again if you have. Anyway, it made me think about some things that I haven't really thought about in awhile. I would really like to think that I'm not a racist and that I see everybody as equal, but I honestly can't say that this is the case. I really haven't spent too much time around people who are "minorities", and I'm sure that if I did, and if I actually took the time to get to know people as individuals I wouldn't have any problems with their race. I know this is the case from relationships I've had in the past, and currently have. The fact is though, when I'm around groups of black people or "gangs" of Asians, I just feel uncomfortable. Both of the neighborhoods I grew up in were almost exclusively white and middle class. I just never have had much experience with different cultures. I know that I shouldn't judge people before I even get to know them, but it's something that just comes naturally. I really feel bad about this, but even so, I don't really feel motivated to go out and change. It's sort of strange. I guess I'm just going to have to try and give people a chance on a one by one basis. There are a few things though, that still bother me. I am definitely against affirmative action and other programs that are designed to try and give minorities an undeserved advantage. Reverse discrimination is not the answer. There's one point in the movie where Derek says something to the effect of "white immigrants came to America and flourished within a generation. What is the problem with everyone else?". This reminds me of a part of the movie 25th hour, in the "mirror monologue" where the main character, who, coincidentally, is also played by Edward Norton, talks about the Korean grocers who have "been in this country for ten years and still no speaky English". These examples bring up some good questions which deserve answers. One interesting point was made by Bindu when we were discussing the movie. She was commenting on how Indians who immigrated here from a middle class lifestyle expected the same or better position. The thing is though, with people who grow up in the ghetto, or who come over from Mexico or some other third world country, they are coming from very poor and humble beginnings and improving on that still doesn't bring them very far. It's as if they can't dream bigger and get stuck in a rut at the bottom of the social ladder. It's unfortunate, and I really don't know what can be done about it. But then again, should I really even be caring? Like I said, it's not something I think about too often. I think a lot of it comes down to me being selfish, which is a whole 'nother problem that I need to work on. On a lighter and more personal note, I'm now going to talk about my perceptions of people in general. Whenever I'm in public, I tend to be paranoid about what other people think of me. I always think that everyone is judging me based on every little thing I do, and sometimes it drives me crazy. Why should I have this self centered idea that everyone is paying attention to me? I guess that it comes from how I think of other people I meet. Generally, when I'm with a group of people I don't know too well, I tend to judge them rather harshly. I've always used a sort of "guilty until proven innocent" technique to getting to know people. I would say that I really don't like strangers and I assume that they don't like me until they prove otherwise. This is just the way I've always been. I guess deep down, I think that it'll keep me from getting hurt as much. Unfortunately, it gets in the way a lot of the time, and I think that I turn people off by not being friendly. I realize that this is also something that I really need to work on. I don't like to think of myself as a bad person, but when I really do think about it, I don't like what I come up with most of the time.