Blog of R'kik D'nec

I'm confused. Don't pay any attention to me. People may relate to depression, but they don't want to think about it if they don't have to. Maybe I should just shut up. It's not like I'm even creating anything of value.

Current Mood: Confused
Currently listening to: Watching Family Guy (come on, it's Sunday night!)
Last movie I saw: See previous post, I haven't watched anything new since then
One line review: See previous post.
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): See previous post.

I wrote a song. It sucks. Mom, don't let it get to you. Hopefully some of you will relate. After all, isn't that what music/art are really about? Making connections on some level of the human experience and feeling for a brief moment that you're not alone and someone else is going through the same things as you.

It's Friday night and I'm still home alone.
I'm even too scared to pick up the phone,
'Cause what good will it do me anyway?
These voices in my head are here to stay.

You're wrong. You suck.
You're a loser and you know it.
Don't even try
To make it 'cause you'll blow it.
I can't describe
How many ways you make me sick.
And I'm damn sure
No girl'll ever touch your dick.

Somebody stop these voices in my head!
Before they
Rip me apart with all the things they said
And I Con-
vince myself it's better if I'm dead.
Please tell me
How I can stop these voices in my head!

Am I worthless, is it true?
Maybe you will hate me too...
These voices fill me with such doubt
But I can never get them out!

You're wrong. You suck.
You're a loser and you know it.
Don't even try
To make it 'cause you'll blow it.
I can't describe
How many ways you make me sick.
And I'm damn sure
No girl'll ever touch your dick.

Somebody stop these voices in my head!
Before they
Rip me apart with all the things they said
And I Con-
vince myself it's better if I'm dead.
Please tell me
How I can stop these voices in my head!
Please tell me
Why can't I stop these voices in my head?

Current Mood: Take a wild guess...
Currently listening to: See above.
Last movie I saw: See previous post, I haven't watched anything new since then
One line review: See previous post.
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): See previous post.

So it's been awhile. Again. Sorry about that to any faithful readers I may still have. All I can say is that you knew what you were getting into. Infrequent updates and long periods of neglect are the norm for the majority of blogs, I would venture. So reading over my last entry, a lot has changed since then. At least on the job front. I guess you could say I landed a "plush $50k a year engineering job in an exotic locale", that is if you consider Minneapolis to be exotic. Other than that, I still haven't written that neon scenery poem, and I still am not convinced that Case was the best choice college wise, and I'm still as confused and frustrated as ever by girls, that is I would be if I ever interacted with any... The truth is, I go to work, I come home, I don't know anybody here yet. It hasn't really been bothering me that much yet. I've kind of accepted that I've got the rest of my life to get things done. What's the rush? My life up to this point has been one of change and temporary situations. High school, college, 4 years, 4 more years. There was always an end in sight. Now it's like, where's the end? Where's the goal? Retirement? I've got a 401k now. Honestly though, I've been hit with the feeling that my life is going to be the same for the forseeable future.

I'm "like, an adult" now.

It's a little intimidating, but at the same time liberating. There isn't as much stress to push yourself and achieve. Things are stable, and you've got all the time in the world. Yes, youth is wasting away, but that's intangible. What is youth? A state of mind. I really like something my temp boss Bruce told me when he showed me a picture of himself as a kid. He said: "That's me. I'm still the same person. I'm just masquerading as an adult." It's funny how we change and yet stay the same. That brings up a whole other set of problems in defining our individuality and even our soul. I'll leave that for another time. For now, I'll just get down to the basic facts for those of you who might be lost at this point and I haven't talked to individually yet. I got kicked out of Elmwood (again) by my neighbors that I was staying with on my birthday night. I went back home and continued working at Unifrax until the end of December. Meanwhile I had a couple interviews with Goodrich Sensor Systems, who subsequently offered me a job which I accepted. The first week of January I moved out to Minneapolis, MN. I'm now working as a wind tunnel project engineer for Goodrich doing icing wind tunnel tests on aircraft sensor probes. It's a lot of hands on work and testing, which I enjoy. The people I work with are nice and so far work has been going really well. That's the bare bones of it, but if you contact me individually I'd be happy to share more details with you. Do try to keep in touch everyone. Thanks,

~Phil

Current Mood: Pretty happy
Currently listening to: Blonde on Blonde by Bob Dylan
Last movie I saw: Mean Girls (again)
One line review: Why I watched this movie again is a mystery, oh wait; Lindsay Lohan, nevermind...
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): 4 sucks