Blog of R'kik D'nec

Lately in my never-ending quest to waste time and ultimately waste my life away, I've been on a blog reading spree. It's been a bit disconcerting, though, because there have been several occasions where I've read someone else's blog only to find it echoing a blog entry of my own. The bottom line is, everyone is saying the same things. I can't decide if I should be comforted by this commonality or discouraged by the fact that I have no original thoughts. On one hand, I crave the distinction of being different, creative, and having something unique to say. I never fit in when I was in High School, or college for that matter. As a result, over the years I've learned to embrace my isolation and even use my originality to justify myself as being a worthwhile person. I determined that if I couldn't fit in, then I would be different and be proud doing it. Now I find myself fitting in and having something in common with people and resenting it. On the other hand, the people whose blogs expressed similar ideas to mine are people that I would consider to be friends. Therefore, I feel grateful in a way that I've found friends who are close to me on a deeper emotional and intellectual level. One of the things that I've said before, and I'm sure has been said elsewhere, is that there are no original ideas anymore. Everyone works on the same basic emotions and thoughts of the human experience, and with so many people in the world, almost all the possibilities have been expended. Therefore, my new way of coming to grips with that fact is expressed in the following: "It's not what you say, but how you say it." I can still be original and different even if deep down I'm saying the exact same thing as the next guy. Why do some lyrics move you to tears while others bore you to them? It's all in the presentation. Therefore my new challenge as a writer is to express myself in unique, beautiful, and moving ways. I'd love to hear how you think I'm doing...

Current Mood: Conflicted
Currently listening to: Plans by Death Cab for Cutie
Last movie I saw: Wayne's World (for the first time)
One line review: Entertaining, but seems a little dated.
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): 2.5 sucks

As I ponder the falling of rain,
I reflect on my night in disdain.
Whoever thought what was once so great
Would ever fail my heart to elate?

What once echoed as a loud chorus
I must convince myself to refrain.
Though I've washed and scrubbed many a time
The self-abuse can't remove the stain.

As hard as I try, I can't pass through
This world's sacred and fabled gate,
As I stare blankly into the night
I wonder if this will be my fate.

Current Mood: On edge
Currently listening to: The Beatles (White Album) by The Beatles [vinyl!]
Last movie I saw: Anchorman (again)
One line review: Funny, but in a cult sort of way, and I'm not in the cult.
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): 2.5 sucks

"I love my life!" -Josh
"It's all about balance." -Sam
"Hanging out was grand...we shall do it again!" -Denise
"Interesting, pretty raw, it was suspenseful, you drew me along." -JP
"I don't get hit on often." -JP
"Yeah... maybe it's the 1/4 age crisis kicking in." -Meg
"Why aren't you making like a million dollars?" -Nate
"My world was spinning." -Moe

These are the things that have been running through my head all day. What does it all mean? Why is everything such an incomprehensible blur? Why doesn't anything in my life fit together right now? Why am I asking so many questions?

"Unfortunately, I don't have an answer for you." -JP

I guess ultimately, I'm the only one who can answer these questions for myself. It takes time though, and I'm notoriously short on patience.

Current Mood: Resigned
Currently listening to: The Beatles (White Album) by The Beatles [vinyl!]
Last movie I saw: Dog Soldiers
One line review: One of those movies that's so terrible it's funny.
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): 4.0 sucks

In case I didn't tell you either in person or through my MySpace blog, I moved out of my parent's house. I'm now living on Elmwood Avenue in Buffalo with Josh (from Last Conservative) and Moe. So far things have been going really well. The neighbourhood is really awesome. There are a ton of bars, restaurants, shops, etc... all within a couple blocks. It's pretty much a college area and people are always doing something. Such a big difference from Batavia. I'm still jobless, but right now I'm leaning towards finding something fun and part time just to pay the bills until I either find a "real" job elsewhere or go back to college next fall. I really don't feel like putting a lot of effort into finding some temporary engineering job in Buffalo when I should be looking for those kinds of jobs elsewhere. Last weekend was awesome. I had a great time visiting my brother in Columbus and seeing all my Cleveland friends again. My visit to the University of Cincinnati was pretty good also. It looks like I could hopefully transfer a bunch of credits, take some studio classes next summer, and start my second year of an Industrial Design B.S. next fall. The campus was pretty compact and modern, and the design school looked pretty impressive. I put in my application yesterday and now I just need to decide whether or not this is really what I want to do and how I could pay for it. So if it hasn't become obvious already, I still am pretty clueless about what I really want to do. At least I took some step though, and hopefully it will push me to get out and actually make some decisions. Right now, I'm just planning on making the most of my time off. These are exciting times.

I almost forgot, if you haven't seen it already, you need to check out the new Backstreet Boys video for "Just Want You to Know". I saw this on VH1 yesterday and couldn't believe it. The whole thing is hilarious. Yes, I'm sober, and yes, I still hate their music, but this video is definitely worth checking out.

Current Mood: Chill
Currently listening to: Late Registration by Kanye West
Last movie I saw: Suicide Kings
One line review: Typical twisty gangster flick, but you gotta love Christopher Walken, interesting directing style.
On a scale of 0-5 sucks (0 being the best): 2.5 sucks